Insomnia~
Why oh why can’t I sleep? It is making me crazy. 4:00 am every morning I am awake with tons of thoughts spinning in my head. Stupid thoughts. Thoughts about such random bs it is rediculous. I know it all has to do with being overwhelmed about everything but why mess with my sleep? Sleep has been one of my only saving graces, and now its screwed! I lay there at 4 and listen to Carlo snore. Thank God atleast he is getting good sleep. Lay here untill about 5:30 and then doze off again, only to be woken up by the alarm clock! It is irritating. Wish me sleep please. I cant take much of this. One good thing is I can nap if I need to. It is sooo very quiet here until the kids get home from school. After that nope, no sleep at all but its ok. They dont get home til 3:30 so quiet time is long. I am rambling now. Everyone have a good day….
Suspect~
Hahahaha…. We are officially suspect here in Greenfield! Our friends came down stairs today with the little town newspaper… Ill post the blurb in a bit. We had gone to St Johns at about 5:10 on Sunday, March 8th because we thought mass was schedualed at that time… Carlo went into the church and talked to the lady in there and we left in about 5 minutes.. innocent right? Well, I guess not… LMFAO!!
Posted in the Public Affairs Sherriff and Police report section of the Adair County Free Press.
5:17 p.m. Officer LaBarge took a report of a suspicious person at one of the churches in town. Apparently the suspect was driving a green colored vehicle with Arizona plates. At the time of the report the suspect had already left the area……
Bhaaaaaahahahaaaaaa! I find these small town papers so silly. Could you imagine a detailed police report of the greater Phoenix area? It would be as thick as our phone book every week…. They post names and addresses of everything that happens also. How strange is that? Small town is such a trip….
Tree hugger~
After watching American Idols Adam Lambert totally butcher Johnny Cashs ring of fire my girl was looking on youtube for videos. She came across this and we all thought it was soooo funny! She despises Al Gore…’
Adam dont ever do that to a Cash song again. I love you so I will forgive you this time.
What have I done~
~said in my best Elmer Fudd opera voice~ What have I done? I am sitting in Greenfield Iowa totally freaking out right now. I think I am in shock really. I dont really know why because we have been given the warmest welcome and been directed by God to come here but I suppose it is human nature to freak a little bit.
Everything is sooooo very different. G and I went to the store yesterday and we both felt so weird. The town is so very small that they know who outsiders are. We got looks like you wouldnt believe. Not bad just who the heck are you guys… I told Carlo that it was harder for me to walk into that store than it would have been for me to walk into a ghetto store. I feel more at home in the ghetto. Atleast I know what I am up against there… I am not sure how this town is going to accept us and it freaks me out. ~when did I start caring what other people think?~
The weather outside is wonderful really. It’s been about 40 degrees all day and its even colder tonight. The weather on the whole trip was very nice and warm. Its like the hand of God guided us in on beautiful weather and then let things get back to normal around here. I am really loving the whole cold thing. The house is nice and snuggly, but outside its a butt biter! I have already seen more wildlife here than in AZ. I saw 2 squierrels, a ton of singing birds, Canadian Geese flying in V formation honking like mad. Deer on the side of the road……Dead but still there…. hahaha
I miss everyone. I get a sick feeling in my stomache when I think about home really. I cant believe no more family parties every few weeks, no more hanging out late at night with my wonderful BFF Martinigirl, no more house or pool or neighbors….. ect, ect….. But I do have my BFF Trish and her lovely family. 6 kids! total 9 kids in this house! And I can not forget Trishas husband Cory. What an incredible human being. It is all happening for a reason. I know I need to step back and let God take me where I need to go. I need to live in the moment and not try to think I know whats going to happen. Its all good. Is good.
Life is good~
Ya know how some people are put into your life for a reason…. Well, I had 2 very amazing people touch my life today, as well as others this past week. Just random people, doing their day to day business. I wont go into details because Im sure it wont be as profound to you as it was to me.
Its funny how if you are open to hear good it comes to you. I do know that there are many bad people out there. People who want to drag you down and sink you but there are just as many good, wonderful people in this world. Take twitter for example. I have been so blessed with random people on twitter showing me love and compassion. People who pray for me not knowing who I am or my situation just knowing that I need a lift and holding me in prayer… How incredible is that?
I see the good in people wanting to help others find jobs. A whole movement on Twitter and Facebook just to network and find employment for others. Just from the kindness of their hearts.
I have seen the eyes of God in a homeless man in downtown Phoenix. An amazing story I may blog about sometime. It was one of those situations where I felt like I was going to be highly bothered by this man aproaching me and my family but instead was blessed beyond belief. I didnt do him a favor he did one for me. OUT OF THIS WORLD!
Trish and Coryin Iowa. They are so giving and loving. Letting us come stay with them to get on our feet. Making room for us. Loving us. Wanting us to do well and being so generous.
Today I can not express how grateful I am to those 2 women and countless others for letting me see how amazing life is and how very fortunate I am. Who cares about our situation. Possesions are just things that can be taken away in a blink of an eye. We have life before us and doors have been opened that never would have been unless we went through the crap to get there. We are free birds, gypsies. We can create a whole new us. Our slate is clean.
So when life has you down, step back and be still. Its all good. God is good and will provide. Maybe not how you want it but how its supposed to be. I dont understand why things go the way they go but I whole heartedly believe all will be well. I know my feelings can turn on a dime and tomorrow I can feel WAY different but today I feel extremely blessed….
Porn and my 10 year old~
SO last night I get onto my computer after my 10 year old has been on…… I go to my address bar and pull it down and look… There is a site there (open at own risk XXX rated~~>) www.naughtygirl.com… Right away I knew what it was. Kids sites are NOT called naughtygirl! So I opened the page and was shocked that my baby girl looked at it! It was raw hardcore porn if you didn’t get nosey enough to click the link. I just imagined what went through that kids head and then I was wondering how she even found out about this naughtygirlsite… I took a deep breath and went to bed after I left her a note to wake me up in the morning.
Well, little B came and woke me up and I, in my best concerned mommy voice, asked her if she went to that site and where in the world she found out about it. She told me she did go there and then started this thing she does about not remembering and trying to BS me about where she got the info from. Shes done it all her life…. She plays stupid. She told me.. wellllll I think it might have been K but I dont remember and it may have been T but im not sure and so on…. I didn’t want her to think she was in trouble (yet) so I told her to go figure out who told her about the site.
As I was laying in bed I was getting more pissed because I knew that she knew EXACTLY where the info came from. I got up and asked one last time. She gave me the bullshit again and I lost it. Not too bad but.. I told her to quit bullshitting me because I knew she knew right where it came from. She FINALLY told me who gave her in info. It was T!!!! She also told me that T told her about the site and WHAT was on it. She knew before she typed naughtygirl.com that she would see SEX!
Ts mom is really cool so I called her and told her that her child was distributing porn amongst the 5th grade. She told me she would check it out. Ts mom called me back later and told me that T has been looking at porn sites since January. WTF? What is with these kids? I know it is human nature to want to see that stuff but to go back and look again and again when you are 11? WOW! T is now grounded from the computer for life. Her mom thanked me so much. They thought their filter was on and I guess it wasnt.
Part of me is royally pissed at B for not knowing better and part of me understands the curiosity. Knowing what an eyefull she got seems like its punishment enough, but then I dont know. I think she needs some kind of consequence for seeking out porn just to look at it. With my oldest child this wouldn’t happen. She would rather die than see something like that. She accidentally saw Daniel Radcliff naked when he was in that play and it scarred her! He had no hardon, was not engaged in sex and wasnt shooting his load onto someones face and it still freaked her out! This 2nd child is a different creature. She is made of something WAY different than my first. Not bad, just different and I dont know how to deal with her! I know I have let my gaurd down with B and the computer. We were so strict with G. She couldn’t do anything online and now B has free run… Not cool on our part and it will stop now. So whats a mom to do? I will update as soon as i figure out whats up… Crap this parenting thing is difficult!
Wow~
All I can say right about now is WOW… Well, not really but thats how I feel. Just went to a birthday party at my nephews house and my dad brought his new………. GIRLFRIEND! As some of you know, My mother passed away about a year and a half ago. I know my dad has been lonely and wanting to date and I thought I was all cool with it and everything. But this was weird. It put another piece of HELL YEAH SHES REALLY DEAD on my mother. It seems like those pieces keep coming harder and faster lately. Of course I know shes dead. Part of me puts it out of my mind and doesnt think about it at all and then BAM dads got a date and BAM dads date is at the party…… and on and on and on….. And to see him so comfortable with a woman he has just met not too long ago is strange. They act like kids. He was giggling with her… GIGGLING!!! My father was giggling! He doesnt giggle…… Now he does I guess.
Reading back on this post it seems like I am not happy for him. Actually I am. I dont want him to be alone. And with our move coming up I am even happier that he is with someone. She is a darling woman. Very personable, and VERY brave to meet our family for the first time. She seems different than my mom. WAY different really. Maybe she hasnt been hurt like my mom was…. Maybe she was alone long enough to want to be in new love again… Hell, I dont know. Anyway, I am alright with this. I’m just going to need time to adjust. Is that wrong of me? I certainly wish them the very best……
Im becoming lost for words for this post… I just wish my daddy all the hapiness in the world… i love you daddyO!
What are blogs for~
So I have read all kinds of things on what blogs are supposed to be and what they are not supposed to be. Some say you are not supposed to mention yourself in your blog, Others say they should stick one topic. Well, I say I a lot and go all over the board on topics. I think that there are enough political blogs. I couldnt form my thoughts onto screen with that topic anyway. Any my mind travels so fast I could never stick to one topic. I guess my life is too random to do that anyway. (or too boring) anyway, I am rambling now…. I will just keep my blog about me and my little part of the world…. We will see where it gets me in the long run……
My life 1~
I was born in Phoenix AZ to Sandra and Howard B… My earliest memories are not so pleasant. It wasn’t a horrible life but it wasn’t all that much fun either. Well, I guess we did have a good time but things were so crazy.. My dad was an alcoholic. I believe it was due to some things that happened in his past. I won’t go into details about it here. That’s his story to tell, but hindsight I can see why he drank the way he did.
I remember being in 1st grade and being so far behind it was crazy… We did these papers everyday. Sometimes 2 or 3 of them. The teacher would put how many papers you were behind on the board. Some people had a couple… I had the most. I cant say how many but I was WAY ahead of the other kids when it came to my papers. That was just the start of my academic insanity. I was almost held back in first grade but made it through. I remember as my school progressed I learned how to use my dads alcoholism to my advantage. If I didn’t do my homework I blamed it on my drunk father. It worked like a charm. I was passed from grade to grade without a problem. Red flags should have been going up for my teachers and admin for a long time but they never did. I never felt like anyone gave a shit about me.
Have you ever~
Have you ever gotten so mad at someone you love, that you really could choke them til their death?? What makes someone be such a jerk? I actually had to get into my car and drive away or I was going to resort to violence! OMG that is so not me. It just wouldnt stop all day. I came thisclose to calling the grump a mean shitalian….. but luckily I avoided the wrath and thought ahead. That would have been ugly. GGGRRRRRR! I even asked God to lift my anger…
Im so glad that member of the family is sleeping right now. All angelic like. Hes lucky…….
